Monthly Archives: May 2011

Baby blues

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“Why are you crying,ehn?! Queen of the coast just tell me why you are crying. When you were flying in the night you didn’t cry;now that you have been caught you have emotions abi?!Put your head in one place my friend!”
 
Nonso is sitting there in the corner watching his mother shave off my hair; there’s no pity in his eyes. Infact his eyes seem to be mocking me.
  “This is the ‘worse’ our vows were referring to Nonso;DO SOMETHING!” I say with my eyes but his eyes and mouth remain still.
My mouth is too weak to scream,my body to weak to struggle. For a week,they have not fed me. For a week,they’ve not let me shower. For a week,they’ve kept me locked up in this hell hole. And nobody knows. My friend came to visit yesterday but my mother-in-law turned her away at the door saying that I had gone to London with the baby. I tried to scream so she would hear me and save me but my voice couldn’t get past my stomach.

When will this torture end?! I’ve begged these people to hand me over to the police but they refused. I begged them to just kill me but they refused.

  Everyone says a mother’s love begins from the moment she discovers she’s pregnant. Mine did. I loved Junior while he was yet unborn. I don’t know what happened when I finally had him. Looking at him made me angry; each time I heard him cry, I felt like an angry charging bull. I just couldn’t look at him,couldn’t touch him, couldn’t hold him, couldn’t feed him. I hated Junior and I didn’t know why. How can a mother hate her innocent baby?! Impossible as it might seem, I hated my baby. I couldn’t explain this longing I had to harm him. For the first week,my mum held him,fed him and cared for him because she felt my withdrawal was because I was still recuperating and getting used to motherhood. But when she left,my mother-in-law came and she forced Junior on me. She wouldn’t hear of her only grandchild being bottle-fed.
On this fateful Saturday morning when she pushed the two week old squirming and screaming Junior into my arms, I lost control and walked straight to the balcony as if in a trance and dropped him from 3 storeys before it could even register in my head.

And so since then,my mother-in-law has made me a prisoner in my own house, beating me,starving me and punishing me daily. And my husband is doing nothing about it.  

Yes,I killed Junior. I really can’t explain why. I am not a witch. I am not a psycho murderer. Yes,I wanted to kill my baby but I didn’t want to kill my baby. Oh God,I’m confused! What did Junior ever do to me?! Why did I do it?!What happened to me?! How this this happen?!

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Another issue from my sociology class! This one might be a tad bit difficult to decipher because it’s not a popular problem. The problem I sought to highlight in this story is post-partum depression(clap for yourself if you already guessed)…Post partum depression is a form of clinical depression that happens to some women who have just had a baby and even some men whose wives have just had a baby. Some of the symptoms are sadness,fatigue,irritability,withdrawal from the baby,a longing to harm the baby e.t.c. If a new mother kills her child and is taken to court, she won’t be punished if it is proven that she’s suffering from post partum depression! So it is wise to be informed about it so as to prevent any problems. It’s a real illness we really should learn more about because we never know when we might be able to identify someone suffering from it so the person can get help early.For more info, please Google it. Peace!x

Only normal

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I’m lying in the corner,curled up in a naked ball.
My body hurts but I’m used to it.
He’s lying in bed,a dark heap; his sturdy chest rising and falling gently with each snore. He always sleeps whenever he surprises me with sex or corrects me. Tonight,he had done both. He looks so peaceful, so beautiful. Who wouldn’t love someone like him? He has always known what was best for me. If not for his regular corrections and disciplining, I would probably have put myself in trouble. He keeps me in check. He surprises me with sex. Surprise sex, that’s what he calls it. When i’m tired,not in the mood or when I blatantly refuse, he surprises me with it.
      My friends don’t understand. All they do is criticise. I know they’re jealous, they just want what we have. The other day, they said they were having a party only for me to get there and find myself in some sort of intervention. They sat me down and blabbed about how Segun was abusing me and I was too blind to see it. They said he was raping me and hitting me and that I had to leave him before he killed me. They wouldn’t listen when told them that Segun wanted the best for me and that he corrects me because he loves me or that he only surprises me with sex because it is his right as my husband to take it whenever he wants. What do they know? Chineye had the right to talk too. She went and changed her children’s school without her husband’s permission and he didn’t even correct her. Titi has her own personal bank account and her husband has never deemed it fit to correct her. Thank God for Segun. The way he disciplines me keeps me from going astray. Spare the rod and spoil the child; you only discipline and correct those you love. Why should I take advice from wayward friends whose husbands don’t love them enough to keep them on the right path?
    So what if I end up in the ER every few weeks? At least every broken bone and black eye has taught me right from wrong. And so what if I had a miscarriage as a result of one of those corrections? At least he saved that child the horror of having a terrible person like me as a mother. So what if he surprises me with sex? A virtuous woman submits to her husband and puts his wants before her’s. It’s only normal. After all,he takes good care of me. And he proves to me that he’s sorry whenever he goes too far with his discipline by buying me nice things. Just last week,he got me the Christian Louboutin shoes I wanted and brought them when he came to see me in the hospital. I don’t even think I deserved those shoes; after all,I was wrong and I deserved the beating.
      I love Segun and that’s all that matters.
      I better go and prepare dinner before he wakes up. I have to keep my loving husband happy.

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So dear readers, I took this sociology course this semester titled ‘sociology of deviant behaviour’ and I really enjoyed it. I learnt about a number of social issues and I decided to highlight a few that really got to me here on my blog… As you must have realised, the problem highlighted here is domestic violence. What I learnt and decided to point out about domestic violence is the fact that the victim hardly sees it as bad. Most times,they don’t think it’s wrong. Onlookers can see that it’s a problem but the victim can’t. Before you criticise abuse victims, you should know that before an abused person can leave,the person has to first realise and label the relationship as abusive. Someone actually tweeted that rape is just surprise sex; I just shook my head in disgust. In my next post, I’ll talk about another issue so watch out… Till then,peace and love.x